Why high heels 7. August 2017 – Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I am what I am

The first question is always “Why?” Why do you want to wear women’s clothes and shoes? Are you gay? Are you a transvestite or do you like to dress as a woman for fun? Maybe you want to be a woman? Were you born in the wrong body? Are you doing it for the attention? All these questions just because I do something that does not conform to what society considers “normal”. But it’s not even just because I do something out of the ordinary, it’s because I choose to wear clothes that are considered feminine or labelled for women. And in the minds of many people, that is wrong, so wrong.

So why do I do it then? Well, because it just feels right. It feels good and I like the look of it. I do it for me, no one else, because I love fashion, because I want to express myself, because it makes me feel free, buying and wearing what I want to wear. Because clothes and shoes are important to me. That’s just the way I am.

I have always followed fashion. But as a man, I quickly realised that my options were pretty limited compared to women. Maybe my brain is just wired differently to most people. But one day a long time ago, I asked myself, “Why can’t I wear whatever I want? When I see a pair of heels or a fabulous skirt that a designer I admire has created for women, I don’t simply accept that it’s just for women. When I see something beautiful, something sexy, something that looks fantastic, I just need to have it! I want to wear it!

Year ago, I used to go out and buy great clothes and shoes for my girlfriend, things that I thought looked amazing on her. Everyone always commented how lucky she was to have boyfriend with such good taste in fashion! I took the compliment but then I’d look at myself – dressed in flat shoes, a boring suit, or standard issue jeans and shirt – and I felt something was missing. Looking at my girlfriend and seeing how an outfit could transform her, it just filled me with sadness. Deep down, I was envious. Wow, I thought, I want to feel that way too. I want to use my body as she uses hers. Have you ever seen a women step into a pair of stilettos? Then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Have you see a woman put on a beautiful dress and morph into a sexy goddess? Seeing what that did for her self-image. Again, I’m sure you know recognise that moment. But my clothes didn’t do that for me. Instead, watching her, I felt like was standing there in the shadows, a spectator to something fantastic that I wasn’t allowed to experience myself.

But the thing is, what I like to do is in No Man’s Land. I know many people think I’m a freak because I sit awkwardly in the space between how people perceive men and women. You can call me whatever you want – but it’s just shoes and clothes.

People feel this need to put other people into boxes because it helps them define who they are and where they fit in relation to the world that exists around them. And people are conditioned to consider their identity in terms of gender. Their self-esteem too often relates to other people’s expectations of them and what they see as being “correct” in relation to gender norms. When someone like me comes along and messes that up, and forces people to look at themselves and reflect on who they are, they get nervous, defensive and sometimes even hateful.

And our identity is something you don’t want to mess with – because people have spent so much time and energy figuring out the rules, their roles and the playing field. When someone like me shows up in a pair of heels, suddenly the playing field changes and ruins the game we are all playing. That’s why people need to put me into another box – one that is not related to them – a box in a different playing field. Then they can feel safe again.

No, I don’t want to be a woman. I just do what feels right, because I love it. It’s my way of looking, it’s my way of being me, and as long I don’t harm anyone, the judgement should stop. And it’s not just shoes and clothes – no one should try to put you into a box.

The best feeling in the world is when you feel free. Free to be you in whatever way you desire. Free to follow your dreams and feel that you are being honest with yourself. That’s why I’m doing it.